Extracts

Jack:

Violet, it's so good to see you. Hey, what's the matter?

Violet:

Oh Jack, it's lovely to see you too. I'm just so worried that we are doomed from the start.

Jack:

Doomed? That's a bit over-dramatic isn't it? It can't be that bad.

Violet:

Of course it can. We have a giant eating all our animals. We have no money. And if we have no money the giant will eat all the people as well. My father thinks a way out is for me to marry the evil Fleshcreep, which means I won't be able to see you and then the giant will probably eat everyone anyway!

Jack:

Ok, that is fairly dramatic. But don't worry.

Violet:

I must admit, now you are here it doesn't seem quite so bad.

Jack:

Everything seems miles better to me!

Violet:

I just hope things will turn out ok.

Jack:

We'll find a way. Love always does.

Violet:

Love - Isn't that a bit over-dramatic?

Jack:

Only in an extremely good way

(Love duet The string unravelling will have to stop whilst the song is in progress as the Princess will undoubtedly put the string down)

Don't worry Violet we'll find a way to stop Giant Blunderbuss.

Violet:

If you do Jack, I know daddy will be glad to see us married.

Jack:

Married! Not as glad as I'll be!

Violet:

Right I must go, I'll see you later?

Jack:

Hello there!

Fleshcreep:

What? Are you talking to me young man?

Jack:

Yes, I was. It's a lovely day, I'm in a good mood so I thought I'd say hello, my name's Jack.

Fleshcreep:

As if I really care what….Hang on, did you say Jack?

Jack:

That's right.

Fleshcreep:

As in Jack and Jill?

Jack:

No, as in Jack and Simon.

Fleshcreep:

Jack and Simon went up a hill?

Jack:

No, I don't think we did.

Fleshcreep:

I'm not talking about you, you idiot. I'm talking about the nursery rhyme.

Jack:

I don't know any nursery rhyme about Jack and Simon.

Fleshcreep:

No! I'm talking about the one with Jill?

Jack:

Jill and Simon? It doesn't ring any bells with me.

Fleshcreep:

Well of course it won't, Simon doesn't rhyme with hill.

Jack:

I know that, but it does rhyme with pie man.

Fleshcreep:

What pie man?

Jack:

The one near the fair.

Fleshcreep:

The fair? Is there a hill near this fair, one big enough to fall down?

Jack:

Well…

Fleshcreep:

Yes, yes, the well.

Jack:

No let me finish. I was going to say Well, I've never been there.

Fleshcreep:

To the fair or the hill?

Jack:

Neither…both.

Fleshcreep:

(Pauses confused) What was I saying?

Jack:

Something about Jill and Simon?

Fleshcreep:

Will you stop going on about Jill and Simon?

Jack:

That was you, blabbering about some nursery rhyme with Jill, Simon and Jack!

Fleshcreep:

Look, forget Jill.

Jack:

I didn't know her in the first place.

Fleshcreep:

Forget Simon.

Jack:

I won't do that. He is my brother.

Fleshcreep:

And forget Jack?

Jack:

(To audience) Are you as confused as me? Who is this? (To Fleshcreep) I'm Jack!

Dame:

Come on you lot out you go, we've got work to do! (If using a dance group)

Simon:

(Simon is sitting at a table) Mum can you help me with my jigsaw? It's got thousands of pieces and I'm a bit stuck.

Dame:

What's the jigsaw?

Simon:

Well, on the box there's a picture of a big chicken.

Dame:

(goes over) Come on Simon. Let's put all the cornflakes back in the packet! (Holds up oversize cornflake packet) (To audience) Last time it was a tiger. Oh you are naughty making all that mess. I wish you would be good.

Simon:

I am good it's just that your standards are higher than mine.

Dame:

And so's my IQ.

Simon:

The silky white milk

Curdled when left on the shelf

No whey! I exclaim.

Dame:

That was lovely Simon. What are you on about?

Simon:

That's my Haiku.

Dame:

What's your Haiku?

Simon:

78.