Extracts

Shrapnel:

Ok Mr Nugget, our first priority here is to get back the money we lent Old Baron Hardup.

Nugget:

Right-o Mr Shrapnel. What's our second priority?

Shrapnel:

What?

Nugget:

What's our second priority?

Shrapnel:

Second priority? I don't know.

Nugget:

So getting back the money from Old Baron Hardup is our only priority?

Shrapnel:

I guess so yes.

Nugget:

So why didn't you say that?

Shrapnel:

First and only are the same things surely?

Nugget:

Well they can be. But the way you said it implied that we had a second priority.

Shrapnel:

Ok, fair enough.

Nugget:

So what is it?

Shrapnel:

What?

Nugget:

Our second priority?

Shrapnel:

We don't have one!

Nugget:

But you just agreed we did.

Shrapnel:

No, I didn't. I agreed that the way I said it implied that there could be a second priority when in actual fact there isn't one.

Nugget:

There isn't a one now? I might as well go home then.

Shrapnel:

No no no no. There is one priority but not a second.

Nugget:

How about a third?

Shrapnel:

How could there be a third?

Nugget:

The one before the fourth I would imagine.

Shrapnel:

But there isn't even a second priority.

Nugget:

Didn't you imply there was?

Shrapnel:

Well yes I did… but… enough! Rewind… Ok Mr Nugget, our one and only priority here is to get back the money we lent Old Baron Hardup.

Nugget:

What money?

Shrapnel:

Don't you start again! Come on.

(The pair make their way over to the Baron)

Hermione:

Goodness gracious what a shopping trip that was. I'm exhausted.

Ginevera:

I'm not surprised Hermione love; you're just so out of shape, you want to get more exercise.

Hermione:

Ugh 'Exercise,' such a horrid word. Every time I say it I need to wash my mouth out with chocolate. But hang about, there seems to be a lot of riff raff in the village today, I hope you lot aren't going to cause too much trouble!

Ginevera:

Yes, we've seen your sort before you know. Ugly, smelly and up to no good!

Hermione:

You'd better just watch it. Let me introduce myself so you know who you're dealing with. My name's Hermione and I am the village's most beautiful resident. I've the kind of face boys look at twice.

Ginevera:

Yes, but only because they can't believe it the first time.

Hermione:

You're only jealous darling. You need to be positive, you mustn't think of yourself as an ugly person, more like a beautiful monkey!

Ginevera:

Hermione, I would give you a nasty look, but I see you've already got one. Don't listen to her everyone. My name's Ginevera and I'm clearly the one with the model looks. Photos of me will be on sale in the foyer during the interval, but be warned they don't do me justice.

Hermione:

They won't want justice Ginny dear, they'll want mercy. Talking of looks, you look fed up.

…

(Cinders is counting out rice and Buttons is helping to polish the coal)

Buttons:

Oh my arms are aching from all this polishing. We've been doing this all day!

Cinders:

Quiet buttons I'll lose count!

Buttons:

Sorry! (Pause) Can't you just make up a number?

Cinders:

No Buttons, knowing those two they'll double check. Now quiet!

Buttons:

Sorry! (Pause) You know Cinders; there are three types of people in this world.

Cinders:

Really?

Buttons:

Those that can count and those that can't.

Cinders:

(Smiles) Buttons!

Buttons:

Sorry! (Pause) Hey Cinders, did you know my mum and dad?

Cinders:

No.

Buttons:

They were so poor they only got married to get the rice! (He laughs) I'm only joking.

(They both laugh)

Cinders:

Oh Buttons, you do make me smile.

Buttons:

Oh come on Ciders this is silly, there's no way you can get that done in time, let's do something else.

Cinders:

Like what?

Buttons:

You know what we always do…

CHEERY SONG

Cinders:

That was such good fun buttons, but now I really have lost count!

Buttons:

Don't worry!

Cinders:

I know, but I really want to go to the ball!

Buttons:

It's just a ball, what's so good about that?